My Story
I was once young, and in love. I didn't date much, but tried to love a woman who hated men. She and her mother would often speak ill of her father and brother (pay attention young men) I should have seen the warning signs. She wanted a pre-nuptual agreement before we married and I refused to sign one. We were a young couple in love; however, we barely had any money to fight over in the beginning, except what our families gave us in cash for wedding gifts.
Looking upon the fact of the pre-nup, she expected or eluded to the fact that the marriage could fail, before the marriage began. Is the glass of water half full or half empty. She was not an optimist.
Before I could identify myself as being conservative and her being liberal, before I knew there was a difference, we were talking marriage. We took a pre-cana class with the local Roman Catholic church and our opinions differed sharply on abortion and child care. I came from a background where people paid for their own childcare and she insisted that government paid for child care. I'm pro-life and would love to see Roe v Wade overturned and she wants Abortions to continue to happen in this country. With this sharp contention between us, the church recommended that we do not marry. We did anyhow.
She spent a lot of time in a bar, knocking back tequila shots and beer. It was important to keep up with the Jonses and have material things and live in a shabby two room apartment, which for 7 weeks didn't have adequate heat, right in the middle of winter. She was pregnant and our daughter was going to be born in May. I knew I had to have a better environment to bring her up in.
I noticed that my joint savings account and joint checking account was cleaned out to the tune of $10,000 and there was nothing I could do about my wife said. I was sadly discouraged, because the $10,000 was cash gifts from relatives who attended our wedding. I wanted to use that money for a down payment on a house.
There were 4 credit cards charged to the limit and I was feeling the stress. She wrote these checks out to cash and later told me that her mother needed the money. Apparently she bought gifts for her mother, father, brother and some friends (maybe boyfriends).
She caved a little later and cashed in her 401K for a measly $1600 so we could buy a tiny condominium after I threatened to divorce her.
I was working as a bench technician for a Fortune 1000 company and took on an additional job as a security guard on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, working an additional 24 hours in a weekend to pay off some old bills. The faster I made the money, the more it was spent.
She also bought a $250,000 life insurance policy on me and two vaults in a mausoleum. This is highly unusual behavior, especially for a young couple starting out their life together.
She bought an annual membership for discounted furniture for $1,200. $1,200 wasted on thin air and no furniture to show for it, what a senseless waste of money. The late notices for the mortgage, gas, electric and phone were arriving one by one. The house was up for foreclosure, I was working two jobs and she was living at her mothers' house (or a boyfriends house) at the time. It made no sense to me how we filed a tax return in excess of $50,000 for both incomes that last year and couldn't afford a $450 mortgage. I was told that since she had the checking and savings accounts that financial matters weren't any of my business....but it was my business. It had my name on the joint checking, joint savings, the condo title, the car note and all the bills that I was depending on her to write checks for. This was financial abuse at its worst.
Man, I always thought you were supposed to pay your bills, save some and give gifts with what extra you have, not cause a foreclosure on your condo just to give lavish gifts!
As I grew financially stressed, I started getting angrier. I went to individual counseling and my wife hardly joined me...she said that I was the entire problem. The only thing I had control over was to work on myself. I went to counseling and debtors anonymous and debt anon and found that there were ways that I and my wife could cut back. I was the only one willing to cut back.
I had bought things on credit cards and knew that I had to change my spending habits in order to get out of a tight financial bind. My pleas fell on deaf ears, until I couldn't stand it any longer.
One day, I caught my wife home with another guy....then on another occasion, she pulled a knife on me and I had to have her arrested and have her charged with domestic battery and get an order of protection to keep her away from me.
Illinois Revised Statutes, Chapter 40, says that a woman is entitled to 20% of a man's pay for child support. My ex wife was awarded 20% for child support, an equivalent amount for daycare fees that her mother supposedly charged and alimony. She walked away with 50% of my pay.
She had to get even with me and despite the order of protection, she called my work 20 times a day for several days until I lost that job. My boss said that my wife was a distraction to my co-workers and it was effecting the whole departments performance.
Had I known then that job interference is also a crime in Illinois, I would have pressed charges to have her arrested as well.
For many years, in between jobs and living arrangements, I had relied on the blessing of friends, church groups and food pantries to get by. As soon as I found another job, the order of withholding would show up with even more taken out of my paycheck, until 80% of my check was garnished. There were some jobs where my employer had told me that my ex wife called regarding back child support and placed several of my jobs in jeapordy.
This is unacceptable! As far as everything goes. I realize that single mothers often live in poverty, but must they drive single dads to homelessness? What is wrong with the courts anyhow? Why can't the courts strike a balance and realize that a man can't go homeless on nothing left from his paycheck...he needs something to live on too. Isn't 20% of a man's pay easier to collect than 100% of his pay?
For several weeks, my ex decided that she would not be at home and not have my daughter ready for visitation. I went to the Harwood Heights Police Department back in 1993 and I was told that it was a civil matter and that I would have to file in court in order to enforce the visitation clause in my divorce papers. Thanks to a Chicagoland Attorney by the name of Jeffrey Leving, it is now a crime to interfere with visitation. I could have her locked away now if I wanted, but I chose a high road and I don't want to use my daughter as a pawn in a chess game.
Perhaps one day Kathryn will realize that it was her mother that kept us apart for so many years.
My ex was out drinking at a bar called Benjamins (Lawrence Avenue in Harwood Heights, IL - practically across the street from where she lived). She was there with friends drinking tequila shots and beer. When I saw her last, she was in no condition to hold a conversation, much less knew or cared where my daughter was. It was common for her to buy rounds for the bar on charge cards....money we couldn't afford to burn.
For many years, I have been a registered voter in Cook County and Chicago and I even have an up to date state ID. The accusation that I was hiding for 15 years is absolutely incorrect. If I was hiding, and seeing that I have a state ID, social security card, voter registration card, Chicago library card, wouldn't this make our (Democrat) elected officials inept? They couldn't find someone under their nose? Not that I'm being arrogant, because I'm not. I'm saying I wasn't hiding. I was active in church and in the Republican Party for several years. When my ex wife decided she would interfere with my visitation and wouldn't let me see my daughter - I didn't have money to fight her in the courts. Life just went on. I made the best of it.
I chose a life where I was devoted to raising money in a soup kitchen for needy families, served on a trustee board for church and even ran a few political campaigns and ran for Republican Committeeman. I say the divorce happened 15 years ago and went on with my life. The ex wife, for whatever reason wants to exude hatred and venom and hasn't gotten on with her life.
Guys, this story you have seen how the feminist movement has destroyed the family in America. John Piper, a Christian author has a lot to say on singleness. Mostly, in his books, he makes reference to gender confusion.
Men have one role, Women have another role, both not to be confused. For example (my commentary) - Women can carry a child in a womb and men can not. This is the natural order that God intended. God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. God called to Adam first (he's the head of the household) in the book of Genesis. Even in Ephesians and 1 Corinthians 7, it says that Christ is the head of the church and the man is the head of the household. Nowhere does it say that the woman is the head of the household. Also, it says that the man (and the woman) are to love one another as they love themselves (no verbal or physical abuse intended). By my ex pulling a knife on me and cheating on me, she demonstrated how there was no love for me and no love for God for that matter. By draining our bank accounts without my knowledge or approval, she didn't demonstrate love at all, but demonstrated being abusive.
God intended marriage to last until death, except for the hardness of people's hearts (women having affairs behind their husbands' back) -
http://illinoisdadsrights.blogspot.com/2008/10/my-story.html (continued)
Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:39 pm